Why Putin Should Thank Obama

Igor Oleynik, CEO of International Business Publications in Washington, DC, has sent me a spoof letter from Putin to Obama. Like most satire, it is over the top in some of its points, but it does illustrate the obvious fact that the way the Ukrainian situation has been handled by the Obama Administration has in fact strengthened President Putin’s hand at home.

It is hard for me to believe that this was President Obama’s intent. So the question arises: have the pressures of domestic politics so blinded the Administration to the consequences of its actions abroad that it has lost the presumed American virtue of pragmatism?

Now the tongue-in-cheek draft letter:

Dear President Obama:

It was a real pleasure for me to communicate with You over the phone during the past month. I am really grateful to You for devoting so much time to the problems of strategic importance, which have been worrying Russian people and myself for many decades. Now, I have to say that mostly because of Your dedication, efforts and help, some of our problems started to move towards resolution. There are too many problems You have helped us to resolve to be listed in this letter. In this short letter I would like to mention only several problems and global issues which You have helped us to resolve lately.

1. Thank You very much for Your efforts for making a neo-fascist revolt in Ukraine possible. (We know that You and Your associates have spent a great deal of money and efforts for doing this). By financing the efforts of Ukrainian neo-fascists to overthrow the elected President of Ukraine — Mr. Yanukovich — by force. By doing this, You and Your colleagues did a lot for reviving Russian patriotic feelings, uniting all political forces in Russia, moving forward the process of political and spiritual consolidation of the diverse Russian society. Also, from the bottom of my heart, I would like to express separate thanks for making me the undisputable leader of the Russian-speaking world worldwide.

2. Thank You very much for elevating my political rating inside Russia to the highest point in the recent history. Currently my political rating among Russian voters has jumped to the level of nearly 70%.

3. Special thanks for demonstrating to me and to the Russian people, that You — as well as — the United States political elite simply does not want to develop real partnership relations with the new Russia in resolving mutually important global and regional problems. Also, nether You, nor Your esteemed colleagues have very superficial understanding of the political and economic trends undergoing in the Russian Federation, Ukraine and some other countries of the world. I would like to assure You, that such understanding would help me a lot in my everyday work on forming the political and economic strategy for development of my country Russia in the future. With Your permission, we will try to use the situation to our advantage in Europe, Asia, Latin America and other regions of the world.

4. Thank You very much for showing to me that European Union leadership and the leading European countries do not have independent — from the United States — foreign policy and geopolitical strategy. Also, I understood that You and nearly all European politicians are still preferring to stay under the convenient intoxication of the medications developed and prescribed by the Cold War.

5. Thanks a lot for pushing me to reorienting our foreign policy to Asia - specifically to China and Japan. The leadership of these countries already informed me that they are open for new mutually beneficial initiatives, projects and strategic breakthroughs.

6. Thank You very much for providing to me an opportunity to show to all countries which are not happy with the US policy in various regions of the world that they can come to Russia and ask for help in defending their political and economic interests often discriminated by the United States. Because of Your help, they started to consider Russia and the second global power slowly but surely climbing up to the world political stage. Many thanks for showing to everyone that we have moved into a bipolar world.

7. I am really grateful for providing me with additional incentives for speed up our economic development, multiply our efforts for building a diversified, modern and self-reliable economy, especially agriculture and high tech. By the way, leaders of our military industrial complex asked me to express to You their special appreciation and thanks. Now they will be developing new weapon system with the increased dedication and efforts.

8. Thank You very much for forcing me and my government — including legislature — to develop and adopt in a real speedy way the set of laws for accepting new countries and territories into the Russian Federation. I have been searching for a resolution of this problem for some time, but only Your efforts in Ukraine helped me to finalize and successfully test these legal techniques. It has worked perfectly with Crimea Republic and I can assure You, that we will be using this approach many times in the near future. Please do not hesitate to call me if You have the similar ideas and plans for other neighboring countries.

9. Thank You very much for issuing an Executive Order for blocking foreign bank account and property of the Russian officials. This measure is very timely. It will help me to finalize the implementation of my Order, which require all Russian officials and politicians to close their foreign bank accounts and do not have any real estate abroad.

10. And finally, I would like to thank You separately for making all, so called "liberal” political forces in Russia very unpopular among Russian voters. The reason for such drop in their popularity is very simple - differently from 90 percent of the Russian population, they did not support me in accepting Crimea Republic back to Russia after 60 years of separation from its motherland. As the result, my political allies and myself will be winning all elections for years to come.

Very Truly Yours:

Vladimir Putin

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